Struggling with identity.

Musician. Developer. Youtuber. Guitar player. Drummer. Producer. Programmer. Geek. Nerd. Writer. Humanitarian. Son. Brother. Friend. Dad.

These are all labels that have been put on me at some point or another in my life. I’m sure you’ve got a set of similar ones that have been put on you throughout your life. We as human beings desire to fit in — to belong to a tribe. So, we put labels on ourselves to define what tribes we are a part of, or even what role we play in that tribe (ex. Producer as a subset of Music).

Last night, I changed my professional Instagram handle back and forth between shawnpaps.tech, and shawnpaps.media a whopping 10 times before deciding that switching it was not necessary. I consulted Claude, I even considered rebranding my business offerings to fit “me” better— whoever that is.

This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through this crisis either. You see, I struggle with my identity. It sounds so silly, but I have done so many things throughout my life, and I think that I’ve never really “belonged” to just one tribe, and I think for the longest time I’ve wanted to feel that like all in type of feeling with a tribe.

The best way to describe it is it’s like having a closet full of brand new, New Era ball caps (my favorite), and each one has a different logo on it. One says Dev; one says musician, and so on. The problem is, I’m going to a networking event tonight, and I want to wear them all…

…but I can only wear one.

I’ve wrestled with the idea of identity since high school. I was kind of a dork and wanted to fit in. If I had to pinpoint one thing that defined me besides the cliques of people I hung out with (don’t get me started on my “hick” phase…cringe), was music. To my friends, family, peers — I was the music man, and that label served me obsessively all the way up until today. But I feel that label — or obsession — is slowly becoming less and less important as time goes on.

Because when you break it down…what happens when you take music away? Or the code editor, or this newsletter? Then who am I?

Well… I’m creative, I’m intelligent, I solve problems, I love, I inspire, I help, I’m kind, I’m a father, a friend….

I’m Shawn.

I guess all of this is to say I’m understanding now that who I am is NOT defined by what I do.

Monetizing Creativity

I think there are creative people just like me that have similar struggles. As creative people, we want to leave a lasting impact on the world. And when we’re good at something, our family, friends, and peers tell us that “they’d pay money for that” or that we’re “the best ‘x’ they’ve ever seen”. Not to their discredit either, the compliments are always appreciated. But there is so much more involved to monetizing creativity. Talent is only half of the pie — the other half is execution.

(I wrote about that in a previous article. Link below.)

So using what I know now, this is the conclusion that I’m slowly arriving to as a creative business owner:

It is okay for my business to have personality, but it doesn’t have to define me, nor showcase every single skill that I have. Just because I produce music or make videos doesn’t mean that I have to offer those services professionally. And honestly, the more I think about it, I kind of like it that way. It’s creating for the sake of creating.

Business is business, and people evolve. There was a point in time that I wanted to be a famous musician, then a famous producer. Now, I’m coming to grips with how I’ve evolved as a person and that’s just not the life I aspire to have anymore. I want to spend more time with my family, and my daughter isn’t getting any younger.

I’ll never stop making music, or playing guitar, or even recording with friends, but it is not something that I’m actively pursuing as a monetize-able career. For me, music is an outlet, and a source of comfort. It’s probably why I run back to it when under heavy stress.

Ok, starting to ramble. Let’s wrap this up.

I ended up keeping my instagram the way it was, and am holding myself accountable to sticking to the plan. My business purpose is to provide creative web solutions and tech consulting to bold brands. However, I realize that my work is only a small part of who I am, and that my work does not have to define me.

Anyways, I hope that reading this article may help you if you feel similar to how I’ve felt. We’re all on our own journeys — but we’re never alone.

My name is Shawn aka “Paps”. I’m authentic. I’m honest. I’m grateful for you. I’m human.

Who are you?

Paps.

PS - this is where I shill for that tech piece of the “Shawn” pie.

Do you know of a business in need of a website? I own and operate SPAP Technology Solutions, a web development agency geared towards creative businesses. Schedule a call with me by simply replying or commenting “WEBSITE”.